Truths that are taking root

Truths are like seeds.....they are planted, and you know that they are there. But you can't feel them or see them. Until they start to grow. That is what I experienced this morning in the prayer room. Truths started to peak their way out of the soil in my heart and I realized they are taking root!!! So here is an excerpt from my journal:

I want to fall more in love with you Jesus. Take me down the road that leads to life. I know the journey will be hard and scrape off my dirtiness, but the treasure in the end is way worth it. After learning about sin issues in my life, my heart almost wants to 'reverse' what has been done and 'serve' my way out to make up for the lost time as if I could accomplish something and prove myself in my own strength and striving. But my place isn't for striving. I don't work, I believe.....so that I can work. So, I believe that I am righteous and pure in his eyes because I have been forgiven. His blood is enough. It is his blood that cleanses my conscience. Thank you Jesus! I have been hand selected and chosen for his purposes. Therefore, he redeemed me, adopted me, and set me high above every principality, right next to himself. He made me holy and righteous, for his good pleasure, because he delighted in me. His grace is sufficient for me. He refreshes and restores. I am blameless before his eyes. HE is in love with ME. He so greatly desired me, that he himself became the sacrifice for my sin to appease his own wrath. Not only did he rescue me, he gave me an inheritance that goes beyond eternity. And, if that wasn't enough, he gave me himself by placing the Holy Spirit inside of me. What kind of God is this? Who is this one that loves me so deeply? Who is this one that cares about us to the uttermost? I want to know this man!!! Praise be to God, the sustainer of all things! He alone is worthy to be praised. Teach me to be like you, walking in meekness and humility. This is my heart's cry: I want to see your face! For your face is lovely and your voice is sweet. I want to learn how to serve, to serve others well. Teach me how to love, to pour out myself for others like you did. Give me grace to be selfless and go low. I give myself to you. Have all of me. I just want you.

Verses I was meditating on:
Heb. 9:14, Rom. 4:2-5, Rom. 5:1-2, Eph 1:4-14

Martyrdom-the great sacrifce of love

Allen Hood talked about martyrdom in class yesterday. It struck me because he was talking about how God saves some and others he lets die. It is not for us to know why, but to continue to believe he is sovereign and in control. One of the main reasons it hit me was because I’ve felt like since I was 12 that I was going to be martyred. Especially with my calling to the 10/40 window, I know that threat is very real and close to me. When I ask myself, are you scared?, the answer in my heart is no. I know that whatever God has called me to, he will equip me for. No matter what that may entail. But I know that I need equipping. This is not something that is accomplished in one's own strength. Martyrdom is the great sacrifice of love. To not love oneself unto death and to fully give yourself to the desire of God for your life. It is an act of picking up your cross and following his call for you. Some are called to be rescued and saved to show God's power and might, while others are called to be sacrificed to show that his love is worth everything, even life itself. Martyrdom need not be a hyped up reality. It is a serious and sobering calling. To those he calls, he equips.

God, begin now to prepare my heart for not only surviving imprisonment and suffering, but thriving and remaining strong in who I know you to be. Strengthen me even now to be faithful to the point of death, not withholding anything from you. Allow my heart to remain alive in you and in your word. Prepare me for the greatest testament of my faith. Prepare me to die for you.

 

Tears-joyful adoration

This is an entry from my journal I thought I would share:

Tears. Tears are the fast ramp to the soul. Tears are an outward emotion of pain, hurt, anger, and frustration but they can also be an expression of joyful adoration, laughter, thanksgiving, worship, love, and happiness. When one has experienced a small portion of the fullness of God and tasted of his infinite pleasure, thanksgiving and tears are only a natural response. Not only is this the only age in which you can worship God in the night season (Rev. 21:25-There will be no night there), but it is also the only age you can worship God with your tears. It says in Rev. 21:4 that he will wipe away the tears from their eyes and there will be no more crying when heaven comes to earth. We can only serve him in loving adoration in this life with our tears. This past week being Good Friday and Easter, I have found my own heart to be tender soil. I cry when I just think about Jesus and his goodness. And if you know me, I don’t cry. Ever. So this is a new thing in my life. I can’t help but be suspicious that it is part of praying in tongues on a regular basis, one of our assignments for Corey's class, that is tenderizing my heart. I have cried and wept for Jesus’ return. I have cried myself to sleep several nights longing for Jesus to return. The phrase on my heart and that has consuming my mind is I MISS JESUS. I just want him back. I want him to rule on the earth NOW. Life would truly be better if he was here. There’s nothing on earth worth my clinging too. No job opportunity, no marriage, no grand kids, no life pleasures….nothing is worth postponing his return for a few 20 more years. I want him now. I just want Jesus to come back. I just want to be with him. I miss him. I love him. I want others to be infected with this “I miss Jesus” so that we will all say, “Come, Lord Jesus” and he can return. I miss Jesus! This is part of who I am as a missionary: to infect others with missing Jesus and long for his return. I want Jesus to return quickly! Come, Lord Jesus!!!